Bring Me My Sweet Release
by MyBrandOfHeroin
Summary: a songfic. in edward's POV, after rosalie's call. the song is The Ghost Of You by My Chemical Romance.please review D


_I never said I'd lie and wait forever  
If I died, we'd be together  
I can't always just forget her  
But she could try._

"You…don't…want me?" she says slowly.

"No," the words don't sound like me. I look her in the eye, willing her to object, to call my bluff.

She doesn't.

When she speaks again, she's distant. She has no idea how much self control it takes not to comfort her. She calls after me. I run as fast as I can. I can't hear her anymore, can't smell her, and can't see her. But her voice echoes in my head, her smell still fills my lungs and her face still waits behind my eyes.

_At the end of the world  
Or the last thing I see  
You are  
Never coming home  
Never coming home_

I shut the phone, Rosalie still babbling on the other end. Bella is … dead? I slowly sink to the ground. I had always been safe in the knowledge that Bella was in Forks, getting over me, living her life. But she's not there. Every second become excruciating. My every thought falls back to her. I close my eyes, trying to get comfort in seeing her face. But I can't see her anymore. Because she is gone.

_  
Could I? Should I?  
And all the things that you never ever told me  
And all the smiles that are ever ever...  
Ever..._

I board the plane, with happy people everywhere. I haven't fed in awhile, but it doesn't matter. Bella wins out over my inner demons. Nothing smells the same since her exquisite smell has filled my lungs. Her face haunts me everywhere, but the most painful thing is it's not here face. I can only pray this works, that I'll be with her soon.

_Get the feeling that you're never  
All alone and I remember now  
At the top of my lungs in my arms she dies  
She dies_

Morbid thought haunt my memory. I tried to remember the good times. I tried to remember her smile, but every time I did it just reminded me that I'll never see it again. It reminds me that she is dead.

_At the end of the world  
Or the last thing I see  
You are  
Never coming home  
Never coming home_

Why has fate been so cruel? Inside I know the answer. Fate didn't do anything, I did. I left her. I selfishly forced her into my world of darkness, and then abandoned her one day. She had been alone. She had jumped off a cliff because she believed I didn't love her. How could she believe? How could she not see? Is the ability to deceive a gift or a curse? If only she knew I was lying.

_  
Could I? should I?  
And all the things that you never ever told me  
And all the smiles that are ever gonna haunt me_

What would she say if she knew I was lying? Would she still have let me go? I hated these questions I had no answer to. I shouldn't have left. I could have at least visited her. Who am I kidding? If I saw her face again I never would have left. But now I never will.

_  
Never coming home  
Never coming home  
Could I? Should I?  
And all the wounds that are ever gonna scar me  
For all the ghosts that are never gonna catch me_

Is it cowardly to take my own life, even though it is gone? I can't live without her face. I can't live when her memory haunts me. I can't live without her.__

If I fall  
If I fall (down)

This is the end, and I'm not afraid. There is a chance Bella will be waiting for me. A small chance. But even if she's not, life has become hell. It has become death already. I cannot be afraid, because I need the sweet release of death.__

At the end of the world  
Or the last thing I see  
You are  
Never coming home  
Never coming home  
Never coming home  
Never coming home

I take a step closer to the blinding sun. Any second now it will all be over. I look around the crowds of people. For one small second I think I saw Bella, but she disappears back into the crowds. Death is close. I can hear Bella's voice chime in my ears. I can smell her scent all around me. I can see her waiting for me. I take another step closer.

_  
And all the things that you never ever told me  
And all the smiles that are ever gonna haunt me  
Never coming home  
Never coming home  
Could I? Should I?  
And all the wounds that are ever gonna scar me  
For all the ghosts that are never gonna..._

I know I will feel relief. I want so badly for her to be alive again. I wish to see her face. I want her. But she's gone. I will never see her face again. I killed an angel, so now I must damn myself to hell…


End file.
